diamondofftherocks:

comcasting:

My grandpa texted for the first time in his life today and he spit straight wisdom out of the keyboard


Dead.

diamondofftherocks:

comcasting:

My grandpa texted for the first time in his life today and he spit straight wisdom out of the keyboard

Dead.

clavid:

ogfoodnun:

why is he so happy

Jesus Christ he just gave birth let him have his moment

clavid:

ogfoodnun:

why is he so happy

Jesus Christ he just gave birth let him have his moment

superpringle:

When Pringle was younger he always used to attack this one blanket of mine. It had leaves stitched onto it and sometimes he would try and eat them off. 

The Name Game
Jessica Lange
American Horror Story: Asylum
49,865 plays

vvebghost:

Come on everybody!
I say now let’s play a game!
I betcha I can make a rhyme
out of anybody’s name!

harmoniaz:

fledge:

dogs arent that great

image

meladoodle:

officialunitedstates:

you lost me at superwh

Why won’t anyone let me pitch my superwhales idea

framewxrk:

too lazy to masturbate can you do it for me

"Fuck, my tea."
- me approximately an hour after every time I make tea (via madopiano)

aresnakesreal:

like imagine if you’d never seen a dog and you saw a saint bernard and you were like, what’s that and then someone was like, thats a dog. and then you saw a chihuahua and you were like ok whats that and they were like, that’s a dog. wouldn’t you feel lied to? wouldn’t you sense that something was amiss

kids: hey dad where are we going for our next vacation
me: well lets see kids
me: *throws dart at map of the world*
me: hm
me: another trip to the middle of the pacific ocean

Inches? I thought we were rating them on hotness.

iswearimnotnaked:

im so PUMPED about fall!!!!! ill wear 500 sweaters i dont care ill shove a whole pumpkin up my ass

me at age 12: ew older men
now: wow he's only 30?